i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
