is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
