you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
