I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
