Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
