I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
