I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
