I need help removing her.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
