i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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