Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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