I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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