You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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