I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
