VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
