hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
