Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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