and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
