My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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