gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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