I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
