remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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