She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
