Are we in a gay sports bar?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
