I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
