Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize