i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
