Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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