I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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