You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
