I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
