Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
