In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
