And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
