I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
