Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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