i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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