ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
