Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
