Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
