MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize