You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize