I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
