I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
