in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
