i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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