Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
