i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry about my life...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
