billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
