Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize