Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
