What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
