my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
