Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
