right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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