lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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