My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
