If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As shirtless as possible
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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