i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
