He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
