Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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