so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
