Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
