Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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