Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
