why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My ATM looks so different sober.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
