community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
