at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
