I feel great
I just peed on a car
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize