What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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