When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
