Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
