Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
