i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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