he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
