allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
