I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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