According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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