forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
