I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
