i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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