Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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