There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
