I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
