How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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