You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
