Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
