Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
