I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize