when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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