I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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