he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
