I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize