Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
