i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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