is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize