that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize