it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
