I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
