It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
