but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize