Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
