i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
