A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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