It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
