Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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