By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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