I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Me too!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
